If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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