Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
