Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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