life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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