Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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