I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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