I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
