I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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