Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
