guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
