I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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