i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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