I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize