There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
