Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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