shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
