Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The beer is more important than you right now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
