Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
