i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She bit a glass in half.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
