he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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