i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
