you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
