god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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