Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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