This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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