I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's never too late to be topless.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
