if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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