It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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