FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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