You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
