If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
