your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
