he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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