Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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