Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
PS: I just woke up from my shower
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize