Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
