I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
