i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
