I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
