I'm gonna have a badass scar
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
