You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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