Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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