plz talk dirty to me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize