im six kinds of drunk right now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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