my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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