I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
