if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
