i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
