I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
