I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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