Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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