The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
