I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
