apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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