I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
