eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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