I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
