I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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