I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
