one might say we're banned from that church
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
