I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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