Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
