That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
