I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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